Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
