I will die if light touches me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
