She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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