remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
