i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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