even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize