there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
