i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
