why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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