I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
