oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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