Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
