Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
