are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Small penises have feelings too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
