hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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