READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
