first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
