I cannot find my penis.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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