Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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