What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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