She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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