the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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