you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
