her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
