yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
