it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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