I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The air was thick with penises
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
