Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
