My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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