I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
