I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
