He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
