They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
