I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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