i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
