We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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