I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
