It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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