there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
