Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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