I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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