So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
