I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
