ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
