The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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