I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
