the day after is always just damage control
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
