Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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