The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize