my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
