Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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