she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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