I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
