You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
