I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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