there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
