I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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