nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
