Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
