Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
