shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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