now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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