so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can I color on your dick again?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
