oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
