DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
