I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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