I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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