He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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