Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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