standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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