If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
two words: eviction party
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
