so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
