his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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