I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
