the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
