I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
