woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
