ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
