I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
