he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
