i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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