it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize