Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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