smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
