So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
