Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
