Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize