I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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