my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
