I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
