I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're too hungover to prance.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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