he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
