we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize