I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
