sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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