they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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