I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
