when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
