...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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