and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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