i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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