Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
