Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
