Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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