the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
