Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
