sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
