I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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