she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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