i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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