sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
