I'm jealous of your bromance
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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